simple path graph example; tahoe blue vodka costco; emt patient assessment cheat sheet pdf Alternar men. A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. FYI: I mean crazy in a flippant sense not as an insult to any mental health issue. My husband has been for business conferences. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. Im so glad I made that choice. Arguments are by turns rewarding, arousing (in the physical arousal sense), angering, and anxiety-provoking. You really really need to have those shirts washed in that way? Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. So best case scenario, youre stifling your opportunity for growth. Obviously we will have to stop every few hours to feed her. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. New Message From: MayaSubject: Iwent home after overhearing myhusband and his mom saying they didnt want metobeapart ofthe family vacation.Every year, myhusband goes onafamily vacation. Im trying not to bring up the topic for awhile till he meets with a counselor individually or together. He is the one with the heavy lifting, though. Hes not thinking logically already, so adding logic isnt going to change his mind. My professional association alternates years between Vegas and Disney for its annual conference because those two places are both great for massive groups of people at a reasonable price. That doesnt mean one party jeopardizes their job and career to make ridiculous accommodations, of course. Your company wouldnt put you in harms way, and your husband should trust you enough to no cheat or do something vegasy. But yes, OP, this does smell of jealousy. Maybe he has heightened anxiety. I think its not up to any of us to determine what OPs husbands major glitch is. If it were me I would be seriously considering leaving the relationship especially if there are not already kids. That is the hallmark of a controlling person. My then-husband and I spent three days in Vegas with two other couples, and the most sinful thing we did was see a strip show that our group leader had accidentally bought us all tickets to. He could show he loves you by treating you as an equal and making you know that your feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter. Absolutely. In most normal partnerships where you have shared responsibilities its not so much asking permission, as its checking in to make sure spouse doesnt need you For anything at that time. You have to go because if you refuse, that will absolutely jeopardize your standing in the company. Ifso, then wewould say that your husband has some personal issues that need toberesolved before hecan fully open and welcome you asapart ofhis family. At this rate, Im going to be too afraid to leave the house until spring, and thats not acceptable. Unless therapy can move him beyond this pathetic lack of respect for either her or confidence in his own worth, this is a nightmare of a lifetime to contemplate. We did it almost two weeks ago and it took about 14 hours, and now we're headed home. We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. In fact, were taking separate vacations this year not to Vegas, but we each wanted something completely different, so were going at different times to different parts of the world. The things she comes up with are completely fictional, not based in any kind of reality at all. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. Because this thing where he insults the moral character of his beloved wife based on the fact that she needs to travel for work? He gets anxiety about it, but he doesnt try to stop me from going he knows it is part of my job. So we'd do 2 four- hr stretches with one long stop in btwn. I also dont think cultural relativity is relevant when OP is clearly uncomfortable with his behaviour. Ack. They were both married to other people, started an affair that weekend, and eventually left their spouses. Exactly this. Pressuring/guilting him into not going? P.S., you forgot to shill The Gift of Fear.. We hike through Red Rock Canyon or the Valley of Fire. He could use some time and a space where he could work through these anxieties with a therapist who could help him think of ways to handle them better. Nobody ever said I wont let you go on that trip, but it certainly wouldnt have ended well if they had. Frankly, there are very few cities that can handle massive conferences and Vegas may be the only option for the OPs company. Think of it this way if you give in on this to avoid conflict, what will be next? But it was a pain in the ass to get there, I felt super unsafe walking around at night (as in, someone else from the conference actually got muggedthere were few street lights and the streets were deserted after dark), and the food sucked. For example, many people have inherited cultural baggage that makes them scoff at the idea of therapy, which they think is for crazy people. Stay at Luxor for dirt cheap, or Mandalay Bay for the pool. But Im not at all confident this is the source of the husbands issues :(. You go on trips, no one lets you go. A decade? Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. Yes. I dont think youre going to be able to use logic or rational arguments to rid him of any fears. We had screaming matches over girls night out or any activity that might throw me in the path of men. Though those are also the traditional bogeymen for women out on their own, as evidenced by the many people talking about their mothers fears. You can make decisions for yourself! Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! Either way, hes being unreasonable and interfering with your career, andcounseling to figure out whats at the root of that is stilla good step here. But, at least in that case, she was 100% aware of the power dynamics she signed up for in entering the marriage, unlike our OP. I have informed him and he hasnt taken it very well. I mean, were talking about adults going on a business trip so wholesome shouldnt even come into it. We were already pretty good at forming social subgroups with people who are more like us, but now that we have instant online communities for any reason or belief, the effect has grown, and we can choose to associate more with people who agree with our beliefs. I have a friend who doesnt drink, gamble, or smoke and Vegas is one of her favorite vacation places. OP, do you think hes more worried for you (someone will spike your drink, youll get kidnapped) or worried about you (youll cheat on him)? Well, yeah, it has a bad rep, that they intentionally, though jokingly, promote with the What happens in Vegas and Sin City marketing campaigns. I know you know this, Anonymous Poster, but I want to add something to this statement. But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. I trusted him, he was fine. You obviously know this, and you know that your husband is being unreasonable, but your framing Do I do this to save my marriage? worries me, because it signals that you are in some sense accustomed to, or willing to seriously consider, accommodating your husbands irrational demands instead of advocating for your own needs. We have friend who live in a neighborhood of Paris which Fox news publicized as a no go zone because of all those Muslims and Sharia Law and such. If so, maybe its just a weird fixationbut if he often has nervous, fearful, or otherwise disproportionate reactions to things, it might be worth seeing if he can get some help with that. let has no part of a marriage unless it deeply affects the partner and then people need to work on it together. Yeah, I had a boyfriend in college who Id started dating after being part of the same friend group as him for a long time. Not because marriage counseling is likely to stop the abuse you are right, it wont. I do know that the way he is handling his concerns is controlling, right down to gaslighting you by saying everyone agrees with him. Yeah, I was hoping the OPs business trip wasnt over this weekend , This post was one of my first thoughts when I heard about the shooting . You have three options in how to proceed: (1) You could say no to the trip (a week off can be just impossible to coordinate these days! Its just a normal American city that happens to have the nations most vast square footage of conference hall space and some of its cheapest business-class hotels. One of my favorite Dan Savage letters was about whether they were broken up (his former girlfriends opinion) or not broken up (his preference, because it would mean he had to start dating again and who wants that bother?). Captain Awkward is amazing when answering questions about control, manipulation, and gaslighting. And I asked to go but thats out of the question. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. I played the slots for all of 5 minutes and that was it. Untreated anxiety is a meat grinder to relationships. I have horrible anxiety. I dont think its either/or, necessarily. Right on the top!! This doesnt excuse the behavior either way, but I think could be something to specifically discuss with him in addition to the other suggestions people have here. What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. Walking to work? Only time we have really argued is this stupid Vegas trip which isnt mandatory. I mean There isnta rash of kidnappings in Las Vegas, and what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas is an advertising slogan forcollege students and weddingparties, not a warning to spousesof business travelers. And plenty of men there without their wives. I accidentally ended up at a naked sex drug party once, quite to my own embarrassment, but that was in Akron, Ohio. should I tell my coworker about our colleagues criminal record, I deeply regret joining my companys leadership program, and more, my company is cutting my overworked teams pay as punishment for mistakes. Im almost always jealous of the cool stuff he sees in his job, but I cant imagine being angry or upset about the trips.
4 Things To Remember When Taking Your Partner On A Family Vacation For think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. My hunny is not a fan of me getting up at 4:30 and going running in the dark by myself. Thanks! The update is saying the opposite of what you think it does. Just because people traveling for pleasure to Las Vegas give the impression that its a place to go wild, thats not what a work retreat/meeting is going to be like in any way. I should also note. You (both individually and as a family) need your income. So, later this year I am going on a two-week hiking trip with a couple of friends one of whom is a man, even! We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. Ive only been to Vegas twice. And I really dont want to camp with a bunch of guys drinking beer, poking the fire and talking about cars (or whatever it is they talk about). We get to decide what level of irrationality we are willing to handle in a relationship and if its based in fear and being used to limit who you want to be, that just doesnt work. The hotel was phenomenal, though! Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. Exactly. We can take care of ourselves. Get that man into counseling, pronto. She worries about me being out alone after dark and it gets dark at 4:30 p.m. in the winter here. A pregnant woman recently asked the internet for advice after her husband refused to attend any of their doctor appointments. I loved the weird, entertaining shows on the street, the warm evenings, the bustle and cheer. I agree, the posting guidelines specifically ask that we not attempt to diagnose mental issues, it tends to devolve into discussions about theories of mental health and people sharing their mental health stories vs: helping the letter writers. But also, my aunt and uncle are pretty bigoted and I know they modeled the idea of a submissive wife and dominant husband for my cousin. My colleagues and I used to parse the bulletins the U.S. Embassy put out about reported crimes against Americans, and so often you could read between the lines of someone trying to cover for a mistake. They have PUDDING, OP. If you want to take PTO and extend your trip, please let me know and we can schedule your flights accordingly., Hehe even though were in DC, Xcorp still expects our employees to behave better than the politicians. Ill throw this out too just in case. If youre seeing these things and thinking anything like I cant say that, he would freak outmarriage counseling, please. Go on the business trip, set and hold firm limits with him (i.e., if you want to call him at 9 each night, great, but thats it. So much wow. Vegas is a perfectly lovely city where people raise families and everything!! arent at all limited to Vegas. If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. I think the fact that hes willing to go counseling (am I reading that correctly?) Later I saw an art exhibit. The next step absolutely should be counseling, but I dont know that its fair for us to fault the OP for not making it the first step, you know? My grandmother pays for the trip. For me, the issues here are 1) input from friends is useful to inform ones own feelings, not make demands of ones partner by committee, and 2) ultimately, the person most affected by the demands is in the best position to make the right judgment call. Yeah, there were some shady businesses. And (2) hes not paranoid, controlling or insecure. So all the brothel skits on Reno 911 were a lie? Can you believe it? Does he realize people, like, live in Las Vegas and have perfectly normal lives? Like, do you think he really did take an opinion poll? Im rooting for you! But it could be so many other things as well. My associatons annual conference rotates between about six places, and even in big cities like Chicago and Philly we need to use three nearby hotels to have enough meeting rooms and hotel rooms. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. This giant conference centers attached to hotels are a dime a dozen in Vegas, tons of flights from everywhere around the country go to Vegas and there are always deals on those flights, it just honestly makes sense to plan conferences and business trips to Vegas, especially if theyre for very large events. Note to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau. Some people may have only a negative perception of Vegas, but the important thing is realizing that kneejerk perception is actually inaccurate. I have anxiety, and so does my husband and this isnt really an anxiety reaction, but a control issue. There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. For the OP, this is a marriage problem. It was still broad daylight, and I was with a group of fellow students. My husband and I travel a lot for work- including to Vegas! Do you want to go? I havent missed a day other than scheduled vacation. I take for granted everyone doesnt live this way. Youre adults. Sometimes, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas because it was incredibly boring, like three days of being in windowless conference rooms. No, its not, but again Im not just speaking out of my ass here; I have seen similar anxiety issues firsthand. This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. She is doing the heavy lifting in supporting the family and yet he wants to control and damage her control. Yes, but trailer park crimes are good, upstanding crimes like cooking meth and domestic violence, and obviously those crimes are less dangerous to bystanders than being attacked by a sex criminal just for walking down the street. Dosomething small tobuild trust, and then your relationship will slowly but surely flourish. Its partially a trust issue, and partly the horrible stories some people tell themselves. But she did not mention that she had her picture taken with male strippers that she would never told me if hadnt found them. going together would send the message that its an us issue. I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. Go on your trip! You have a good day and thank you. But he is controlling. 1. I just point out that theres more crime in her trailer park, and she gets huffy about it. If your husband is really giving you a choice between staying married to him and going on a business trip, the answer may be difficult to face, but hes giving you a clear choice: You can live your life on his terms, with the threat of divorce hanging over your head if you participate in public and professional life in a way that displeases him, or live your life on your terms. Before you talk with your husband, try tounderstand why hedidnt want you there. His friends also wouldnt let their wives go? From the OPs subsequent posts, it sounds like they did agree with the husband, and that shes in an area where thats a more common approach. All the more reason to get out and build a life with someone who is your partner and not a leach who wants to cripple your independence and your career. They may not all work for you, but I hope that at least some will be helpful. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Does hehave ahistory ofnot wanting toshare parts ofhis life with others? I'm kind of dreading it because my infant hates the car and my 2 year old is not the sitting type. That would be buying in to his controlling behavior and it would be a bad move for their relationship. Same! Just Saying. Again, not a concern for either of us. Things to consider!! There are tons of families and people who live in Vegas or visit Vegas and do pretty normal things. Theyre both controlled, predictable corporate environments that can provide controlled, predictable hospitality services, often at a price affordable enough to attract business conferences. The no Go Fish rule was not present in my home, but I was told to respect the kidss parents whod made that rule and abide by it around those kids, because the rule seemed a reasonable difference between my parents and theirs (rather than wholly bizarre). I have serious issues with anxiety and I read it the same way. I say go for it! If hes of the mind that the husband should be the breadwinner then it sounds like insecurity about his own career. Thank you for acknowledging that this is not normal and is something you can work on. I agree in principle, but I think its easy for certain couples with significant shared responsibilities to fall into the language of permission, and its not always a red flag.
Leave your spouse for a week of leisure travel, wrong? But other things may be reasonable eg nightly call ins and letting husband know that she is not going to call or answer his calls during the day. Right. What the hell? My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. For heavent sake dont say it to him; dont want to give him any ideas. Or they have jobs that dont require business travel. I dont gamble but I love New Orleans it feels like an adults only carnival. Japan is absurdly safe, even if that is no comfort to people when something bad does happen. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. You can even pick up brochures of holiday packages. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. Milkshakes there are ON POINT. And, damn, every time I hear about kidnapping, it seems to be in Ohio or Mississippi, not places considered hotbeds of crime in US pop culture. But, OP, please take a hard look at your husband and his normal conduct. Either theyll know already that it doesnt work that way, or worse, theyll try it and end up handing more ammunition to the husband. I just want to come back to the point about where the first fear of his that you list off, OP, is that youre going to cheat on him. Unless theyre all really churchy (and the OP didnt say), if any of my previous partners said that, Id give it massive side-eye. This is not helpful to the conversation, but seeing posts like this always remind me of a relationship I got out of many years ago (just 3 months before our wedding date!) If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. (Im in counseling FWIW, he wont go.) We arent gamblers either. You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. But general anxiety on this level is still causing them problems and will in future if he cant get it under control. Security at casinos is greater than that at Fort Knox. One of mine once told me that his mom felt that I was being very unfair to him and was devastated that she wouldnt get to plan our wedding. But my wife really worded it in a way to get the Im a crazy jealous husband. Couples counseling may be useful but controlling spouses are sometimes effective manipulators and in those situations couples counseling is a terrible idea. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? You get into a state of physical arousal (sweating, shaking, racing heart, fast breathing, etc) and it often gives you a screaming headache, roiling tummy, and makes you irritable and prone to tears. Figure you stop as often as baby feeds (which is every 3 hours for us.) DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. If I had succeeded in keeping my mom from ever leaving the house, I would have started obsessing about the iron falling off the board and burning the house down, or everything flooding, or, or, or. It IS super pricey though!! This is NOT putting a judgement on those activities, but all of them can and do carry a pretty significant risk load (money spent, possible diseases, lost time, etc) and thats why in general, society rates them as vices. I could care less about gambling and night time shenanigans. And, this IS an us issue: his insecurities are damaging the relationship. I just want to highlight this since some commenters are piling on about the husband being some kind of chauvinist keeping women down. Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. Everyone he talks to agrees with him. Well, first of all, they dont. I work for a global health organization. We did a family vacation to Vegas about six years ago (were about a 4-5 hour drive away). Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. Its definitely a huge red flag that your husband takes a winky tongue-in-cheek ad campaign that seriously. Im not necessarily that suspicious of the friends. You dont have to have cause to break up with someone! I have a friend that refuses to go to Vegas because he believes its the modern Sodom and Gomorrah. CES, the Consumer Electronics Show is held there yearly, and is a massive tech conference, millions of square feet of conference space. If its an anxiety or OCD issue, there are specific skills that partners and caregivers need to learn to support treatment goals and avoid inadvertently rewarding the problematic thoughts and behaviors. A relationship problem is not necessarily a problem where both people in the relationship are doing something wrong, but a problem that affects the relationship. The only thing I dont like about this suggestion is the implication that OPs husband can supervise her to make sure shes not cheating. The big hotels are super experienced and the conference ran just about as smoothly as something of that size possibly could. Or the wife, for that matter. But I am going to totally disagree with you that its not a relationship problem. I read books. My spouse travels for work all the time. In which case OP should divorce his sorry ass posthaste, because those guys are genuinely dangerous and also do not deserve companionship. Yes. We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. Maybe OP married him? Im so glad to see this response here. I dont think thats something you really need to dive into OP (since thats not the real issue here), but I thought Id mention it to say that youre not the one thats offbase here. What other people? And companies love it because it tends to be cheaper than other places with similar conveniences. Its absolutely true, and she gets so. Hell figure something out; youll figure something out. I hope he really is as great as you say, and that this is a one-off. Same with mine. And Id add that theres a difference between (unwarranted) demands rooted in irrational fears, and those rooted in control/trust issues. Hyperbole and feigned hysteria are not the same thing. And, if not, perhaps he and the OP should take a trip together there (not on one of her business trips). They always ended up going to what one of them called armpit towns. Even if they went someplace cool, they rarely had time to do anything ever. My mom is the same way. Living with someone like this for the rest of your life sounds like a real misery. We felt safe walking around at 2AM. I do the same. Main Menu Its the inappropriate (in typical American business culture) reaction of the husband thats the issue here, not whether its legitimate to try and get out of business trips sometimes.